The Sayings & Wisdom of Dr. Twang (aka Dr. Twang’s Little Blue Book), as Gathered from His Guitar Case, Transcribed from Various Bar Napkins and other Ephemera & Arranged & Edited by Professor B. S. Cou de Rouge, PhD, Southeast West State University

 

Never play a guitar
More interesting
Than you are.

*

Go easy on the whammy bar,
Same with all those pedals.
Make your fingers
Talk, not the machinery.

*

Ladies, if you have the choice,
Go for the truck:
Who needs a back seat
When you can have a bed.

*

Over time, real
Beats image.
Short haul, though,
Image can do
Real good.

*

Maybe God didn’t make honky
Tonk angels like she said
He said in that song but
Thank god somethin did.

*

God feels sorry for sinners;
It’s hypocrites he hates.

*

If you’re riding hard
Up the hill
On the bicycle of love,
Wear a cup.
Sometimes
The chain breaks.

*

It’s not the bump and grind
That matters
But the grind in the bump
And the bump in the grind,
So be sure you give
The drummer some
And pay that bass player
What he’s worth.

*

Music ain’t notes.
Play the music.

*

Ride your past,
Don’t let it ride you.
Life’s a rodeo.
Stay on the bronc
Long as you can,
And when you’re
Thrown, get up
Out of the dirt,
Look for the clown
And move.
Then ride again
Soon as your bones
Will let you.
Bones matter but
Bones ain’t heart.

*

Learning’s
Not the same
Thing as
Changing.

*

Business Advice:

Read the fine print,
Don’t sign nuthin til you do,
Cause whoever wrote that
Thing up thinks a lot
More of him than he
Does of you.

When in doubt,
Keep your hand
On your belt
And your butt
To the wall.

                  *

Playing for yourself
Is a lot like playing
With yourself.
It can be fun and
You can learn
Some things,
But not enough.

And if you think it’s
All about art,
Remember that art
Doesn’t just rhyme
With heart.

*

If Derrida played guitar,
No one’d listen.
If Bill O’Reilly played
Guitar, some would.
When you play guitar
Play like neither
Of them matter.
Play for now but play
Too for that jukebox
To come, when what
They’ll hear is your
Heart, and for that
You have to play real.
Sometimes that’s
Playing pretty, sometimes
It’s smarting off
But always
It’s from the heart.
Fancy fingering
And sleight of hand
Are like them ED
Pills. They work
For a time but
That still ain’t love.

*

Let your mind do the walkin,
Let your fingers do the talkin.

*

Leave them light gauge strings
To those fancy rock players
Who like to noodle. Real
Men play heavy gauge
And aren’t afraid to play
Slow.

*

Size don’t matter,
Least when it comes to hats
But if ya got a choice
Go with the big amp.

*

In country swing rhymes
With twang and like the Duke
Said, “It Don’t Mean a Thang
Less it’s got that swang,”
And if you got to ask
What twang is, good luck
With your ring tone
Cause you ain’t got it.

*

Talk softly
But play a mean lick.

*

When the man
With the big cigar
Says sign here
An’ I’ll make you
A star, be sure
You know
What kind
He’s got in mind.

White Dwarf?
Black Hole?
Super Nova or
Shooting Star?

Remember,
Smoke rings
And a waggling
Ember are just
So much ash,
So be sure
He shows you
The cash.

*

Just ’cause something’s real
Don’t make it true.

*

Don’t forget the woman
Sitting alone at the back
Table or the guy
At the bar caressing
That glass as if
It weren’t cold. Play
For them too.

*

You can lead a horse
To water but you can’t
Make him drink. You
Can lead a woman to
The bar, but you can’t
Make her drink either.

And if she does, it’s not
’cause you want her to,
And when things really
Matter, it ain’t a matter
Of who’s riding who.

*

At the NoTell Motel, don’t
Turn on the lights.
When what’s real
Is pretend, the dark
Is your friend,
And no matter who’s
Singing on the radio
There are things its
Better not to know.