SickiLeekz reports (from a source? does that matter?) that President Trump will soon sign an executive decree that all condoms shall be imprinted with his image and that Steely Dan shall henceforth be rebranded Steely Don. The President hopes this will help assuage the disappointment of the women of the country that he is no longer as able (because of the onerous duties of his office) to freely grab, kiss, and otherwise share himself. It is also his hope that the men of the country will welcome this opportunity to take on, if only briefly, his allure and power. Soon all sexually active heterosexual men and women will be able to share an intimate moment with their President. The President is, the report continues, also considering mandating that all dildos shall be imprinted with his image so that his lesbian admirers shall not feel left out. A separate decree will make it a criminal offense for gay men to use condoms, since that would be an inappropriate use of the President’s image.
As my buddy Mark Twang has noted, “What ya see may not be what ya get. But if you’re not careful, what you’re duped into believing will be.”